Advice On Relationships – Do Trial Separations Really Work?
There are many places to get advice on relationships. Many people look to family, friends, or online forums for help with a relationship problem. Oftentimes you feel like you’re on an emotional roller coaster from all the angry feelings. At times like this, a trial separation may be considered as an attempt to save a relationship.
Do trial separations really work? The answer is yes and no. The motivation of the person initiating the trial separation will have a lot to do with whether it works or not. If a person really just wants out of the relationship, but is trying to ‘ease out slowly,’ I don’t hold much hope to save the relationship.
On the other hand, if both parties do really want to have a successful relationship, it could work. A ‘time out’ may be what you both need to learn to appreciate what you are together. In looking at how to save your relationship, a trial separation may be just what you need. Of course there are some basic guidelines you must follow so each person knows what to expect from the other during this time:
Decide ahead of time if you are both going to be free to see other people or not. And then stick by the agreement. No fair sneaking around!
Who is going to be responsible for what bills during this time?
Are you going to have a special time each week to talk to one another about the issues/problems in the relationship? Or do you feel it’s better for your relationship problem to have no contact for a period of time?
Are you going to seek counseling during the trial separation? Counseling can be a great way to get some solid advice on relationships. Getting help with relationship problems is nothing to be ashamed of. Lots of people do it.
As I stated before, you should look at the motivation behind the trial separation. Wrong motives will not help save your relationship. What reasons could be considered wrong in this situation?
If a separation is being used to be ‘single’ again while you ‘sow some wild oats’. When you know you want to be single, just be honest. Don’t use your partner as a ‘safety line’ in case being single again really sucks! That is very unfair and hurtful. Nobody deserves to be treated like that.
Never use a trial separation to push your partner into making a commitment he/she is not ready for. People do this and then wonder why the marriage fails a few years later. Nobody likes to feel they have been forced into something.
So is a trial separation actually a good way to save the relationship? I think it can be if both partners really want to solve the relationship problem.
copyright by Gene Elias
